you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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