sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
