I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
