Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
