Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
