Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
