I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i dont even know how to be here
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
