do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i think my cat just said my name.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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