remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
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