FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
