Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
