i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
