I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
