just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
