i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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