I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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