I puked a lego.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
