So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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