Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
