I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
