the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
