I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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