My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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