She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
