I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
