Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
