I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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