Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
