He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
