just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It was confusing and full of hummus
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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