after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It was confusing and full of hummus
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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