thus making me awesome and them whores
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
