I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
