if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize