Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So vagazzling was a success
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize