I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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