I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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