I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
