Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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