i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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