Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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