I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
