I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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