you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
