I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
