The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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