Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
