my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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