working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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