What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize