I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
