Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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