I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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