please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
