I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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