u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
