So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
