you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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