And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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