HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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