I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize