dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
