may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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