Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
