So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
