Apparently you make a good broom.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize