Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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