Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
