we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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