$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
