I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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